What to write in a Christmas party invitation

Most people stall on the same four lines: what to call the dress code, how to mention a gift exchange without sounding like a bill, how to say when the party ends, and how to tell a friend their four-year-old is not invited. The wording below handles those, in sentences you can lift as they are.

Whatever you write, it has to survive being read on a phone in a supermarket queue. Short lines, one piece of information each. If you build the invite on Bringalong, your guests get the text plus a tap to answer, so the wording does the persuading and the link does the admin.

The six lines an invitation has to carry

Write these in this order and the rest is decoration. Who is hosting. What the party is. The date, with the start time and the end time. The address, with the buzzer or apartment number. What guests will find when they get there, meaning food and drink. What you want them to do, with a date attached.

The first two lines matter most, because that is what shows in a message preview before anyone taps. "Christmas party, Saturday 13th, 7pm" works. "Hi all, hope you're well, I wanted to reach out about something" does not. Cut the greeting and lead with the occasion and the date.

1. Line 1: the occasion and the date. "Christmas drinks, Saturday 13 December."
2. Line 2: start and end time. "7pm to 11pm."
3. Line 3: address, buzzer, parking note.
4. Line 4: food and drink in plain words. "Buffet at 8, bar in the kitchen."
5. Line 5: the one rule, if there is one: dress code, gifts or kids.
6. Line 6: the ask. "Let me know by 6 December."

How to word a dress code

Dress code terms mean different things in different cities, so translate yours in the same breath. A guest who has to google "festive casual" at 6pm on the day is a guest who turns up uncomfortable. One clause of plain English after the label solves it.

If the dress code is a theme rather than a standard, say whether it is required. "Sequins encouraged, not enforced" gets you half a room in sequins and no bad feeling. "Sweaters mandatory" gets you a room full of reindeer. The vague version in between gets you four people in costume wishing they had read it differently.

• "Festive casual, which means jeans and something that catches the light."
• "Wear whatever you would wear to a nice dinner."
• "Cocktail attire: suits, dresses, no ties required."
• "Black tie optional. Dark suit is completely fine."
• "Red, green or gold somewhere on you. Socks count."
• "Sequins encouraged, not enforced."
• "Warm shoes, we are starting outside by the fire pit."
• "No dress code at all. Come in what you have on."

How to word a gift exchange, or no gifts at all

Name the format and the number. A guest needs to know whether they are buying one gift or six, what it should cost, and whether to bring it wrapped. Leave the limit out and someone will spend 60 dollars and make the rest of the room feel cheap.

Declining gifts takes a reason, otherwise people bring something anyway. "No gifts, the cupboards are already full" works better than "your presence is the only present," which reads as a greeting card. If you are collecting for a food bank or a charity, say what to bring and how much: "a tin of something for the food bank box by the door" is specific enough to act on.

• "Secret Santa, 20 dollar limit, bring your gift wrapped with the name on it."
• "White elephant: one wrapped gift under 25 dollars, the stranger the better."
• "Gifts for the kids only this year, nothing for the adults."
• "No gifts please. We have run out of shelf space and patience with wrapping paper."
• "Instead of gifts, bring a tin for the food bank box by the front door."
• "If you want to bring something, a bottle or a dessert is perfect."

How to word an end time

Write the end time you want plus half an hour, since the last guests overshoot. Then make it sound like information rather than an eviction notice. "7pm to 11pm" needs no explanation. "Carriages at midnight" is the formal version. "Kitchen closes at 10, bar closes when the bar closes" tells people what kind of evening it is.

For a party where guests come and go, word the window instead: "any time between 2 and 6" or "doors open at 7, come whenever." And if the party has a hard stop because of a venue or a babysitter, say why. People respect a reason more than a time.

• "7pm to 11pm." The plain version, and the most useful.
• "Drinks from 8, carriages at midnight."
• "6pm to 9pm, because the hall kicks us out at 9:15."
• "Kitchen closes at 10. We turn into pumpkins at 11."
• "Any time between 2 and 6, stay as long as suits you."
• "Early one: 5pm to 8pm, home for the babysitter."

How to word kids welcome, or adults only

Say it on the invite rather than in a reply, so no one has to ask. For an adults-only evening, be warm and brief: "A grown-ups night this one, much as we love the small people." Give the reason if there is one, like a late start or a flat with no spare room, and give parents enough notice to book a sitter, which means three weeks rather than five days.

If children are welcome, say until when and what there is for them. "Kids welcome until 9, there's a film and a pile of blankets in the back room" answers three questions at once. For the parent who asks anyway after an adults-only invite, one line is enough: "We're keeping it to adults this time, but let's do something with all the kids in January."

• "Kids very welcome, there's a craft table and too many cookies."
• "Children welcome until 8, then we put a film on and the music goes up."
• "Adults only this year, sorry. Late start and a small flat."
• "A grown-ups evening, so bring a sitter's number and not the kids."
• "Babies and anyone who can be carried are fine. Toddlers, braver than us."
• "We have a sitter booked in the upstairs room, 15 dollars each to split it."

Lines for the parts people hate writing

Bring your own drink: "We're pouring mulled wine and soft drinks. Bring beer or spirits if that's what you want to be holding." A dish: "If you'd like to bring something, claim a slot on the link so we don't end up with five trifles." Parking: "Street parking is free after 6, the spaces by the chapel are the safest bet."

Dietary needs: "Tell me anything you can't eat when you reply and I'll work around it." The RSVP chase, sent a few days after the deadline, to one person at a time: "No pressure at all, I'm shopping Thursday so a yes or no before then would help me out." And for the guest who answered Maybe and went quiet: "I'll count you as a no for the food, but the door's open if you make it."