What to write in a Thanksgiving invitation, line by line

Most Thanksgiving invitations fail on one sentence, not on the whole thing. The time is written once, so a guest arrives two hours early. The allergy question is phrased so politely that the person with celiac answers nothing major. The plus-one rule is implied, and then three extra people show up. Each of those is a wording problem with a wording fix.

Below are eight full invitations in different tones, and then the single lines that go wrong, with two or three ways to word each. If you send your invite as a Bringalong link, the reply-by date and the dietary note have somewhere to land, and the guest does not have to write a message to answer you.

How to word the time so people arrive when you mean

Write two times. One time reads as the start of the event, and some guests treat it as the moment food appears while others treat it as the moment to leave the house. Separating arrival from serving fixes both, and it gives you a window where an early guest is helpful rather than in the way.

Pick the phrasing that matches how strict you need to be. If the turkey comes out at a fixed hour, say so and give a be-here-by time, which is the only wording that reliably gets people to the table on time.

• Loose: doors open at two, dinner around four.
• Firm: dinner is served at four. Please be here by 3:45.
• Drop-in: come any time between two and seven, food is out from four.
• Second shift: dessert and coffee from seven if you are eating earlier somewhere else.
• Help wanted: arrive at noon if you want a job and a drink, otherwise two.

How to word the dietary question

Any dietary requirements is a question that gets answered no. It sounds like an offer of extra work, so guests decline it and then push food around a plate. Ask about the specific thing and name an example, and you get an answer you can shop for.

Two more rules. Ask for it in writing, in the reply, so it is a record rather than something said in a doorway. And put the hard cases on a separate plate instead of remaking the menu: one tray of vegetables roasted in oil, gravy made with stock rather than flour and butter, butter served on the side.

• If there is something you can't eat, type it when you reply. Nuts, dairy, gluten, anything.
• Tell me about allergies now rather than on Thursday, and I will keep one dish clear.
• Two of us are gluten-free this year, so the stuffing will be in its own dish. Say if you need the same.
• Vegetarians: there is a main for you, not three sides. Let me know you are coming so I make enough.
• If your kid only eats four foods, tell me which four.

How to word plus-ones, kids and a table that is full

Guests read invitations for permission. If the wording leaves a gap, they fill it generously, and a yes from one person becomes four. The fix is a number or a name. Write who the invitation covers in the invitation itself, not in a correction two weeks later.

If the table is full, say it plainly and offer something else. Most people are not offended by a seat count. They are offended by being told on the day.

• This one is for you and Marcus, and the table is set for ten.
• Bring whoever you are seeing. Tell me a name by the 18th so there is a chair.
• Grown-ups this year. We will do a kids table at Christmas instead.
• Kids are welcome and there is a card table for the under-tens, plus a bedroom for naps.
• The table is full for dinner, so come at seven for pie and a drink instead.
• Dogs stay home this time, the cat lives here.

How to ask people to bring something

There are three levels and the invitation should pick one. Bring nothing means you are cooking everything and you mean it, which you should write as bring nothing, I have it covered, because guests will otherwise show up with a dish that needs the oven at 4 pm. Bring a bottle is the middle, and it is the standard for a dinner where you cook. Claim a dish is a potluck, and it needs a list.

Never leave it as whatever you like. That sentence produces four pies and a casserole that needs 40 minutes at 375 F while the turkey is resting. If you do want help, name the item and the servings: a salad for ten, two bottles of red, a bag of ice.

On a Bringalong invite you can add the items you need with servings next to them, and guests claim them from the invite page. Claimed items show as taken, which is the part a group chat cannot do.

The reply-by line, and what to write when nobody replies

Give a date and a reason. Please reply by the 18th works better as please reply by the 18th, I order the turkey that weekend, because the reason is what makes a guest answer today instead of later. Set the date seven days before Thanksgiving and treat it as the day you stop guessing.

For the silent ones, write a separate message with one question in it that can be answered with a yes or a no. Group reminders are read by people who already replied. A short direct message, by name, asking whether to set two places, gets an answer within the hour.

• Reply by Wednesday the 18th, I order the bird that weekend.
• Quick yes or no by Saturday so I know how many chairs to borrow.
• Nudge, ten days out: are you two in for Thursday? I shop on Saturday.
• Two days out: address, buzzer, parking on the odd side, dinner at four. See you then.
• Change of plan: dinner has moved to five, same day, same address.
• Cancelling: we are calling it off this year, both kids have the flu. Pie at ours in December.

Tone, length and the parts to leave out

Short invitations get read. Five lines on a phone screen with the date, two times, the address, the ask and the reply date is the whole job. Anything longer and a guest skims, which is how the parking note gets missed. Save the warmth for the first line and the last one.

Things to leave out: a paragraph about how grateful you are, a list of everything you plan to cook, apologies about the size of your apartment, and jokes that need context. If you want a sentiment line, make it specific to the people you are writing to. Come and eat too much with us reads better than a paragraph about togetherness.