Friendsgiving invite wording you can paste into the group chat

A Friendsgiving invite is read on a phone, between two other messages, by someone half deciding. So it has to land the date and the ask in the first two lines and leave the detail for the link. Long paragraphs in a group chat get a thumbs up and no actual answer.

The wordings below cover the usual situations: a potluck, a cold-dish-only apartment, a cost split, a last-minute plan. After them are the single lines that cause the most trouble, each with a few ways to phrase it. If you send a Bringalong link, guests claim their dish on the same page where they RSVP, so the chat does not have to hold the list.

Write it the way you talk, then cut it in half

Four lines beats a paragraph. Date and time, place, what to bring, reply-by. The warmth goes in the first line and the practicalities go after it, because that is the order people read in. If your invite needs a second screen of text, the extra text belongs on the invite page rather than in the message.

One ask per line. Two asks in the same sentence, like reply by Friday and tell me what you are bringing, gets one of the two answered. Split them and you get both.

Wording the potluck ask so you get vegetables

Bring whatever you like produces desserts. Everyone wants to bring the fun thing, and nobody volunteers to peel six pounds of potatoes for ten people. Name the gap, and name the quantity. A side for eight is an instruction. Something to share is a wish.

Give people the easy slots as well as the cooking ones. Ice, bread and butter, drinks, paper plates and a cheese board are real jobs, and offering them stops the friend with no kitchen from going quiet.

• I have the turkey and the gravy. Claim a side on the link, enough for eight.
• Still open: a green vegetable, a salad, rolls, one dessert, ice. Pick one.
• Desserts are full. If you are claiming now, we need vegetables and bread.
• No oven space left, so anything after this has to be cold or come in a slow cooker.
• Not cooking this year? Take the ice and two bottles and we are square.
• When you claim, type what is in it: dairy, gluten, nuts.

Wording the money without a weird silence

Money is fine if the number is in the invite and not in a message on Sunday. A 14 pound turkey, sides for ten, two bottles of wine and the extras runs between 120 and 170 dollars in most US supermarkets, so 15 to 20 dollars a head covers it when you cook everything. Write the figure, write what it buys, and give a second option.

BYOB needs its own sentence, because bring a bottle and bring your own drinks mean different things. The first is a gift for the host, the second is you are responsible for your own evening. Say which.

• I am cooking the lot. Eighteen dollars each covers the bird, the sides and two bottles.
• Send it by Thursday, I shop Friday morning. Or claim a dish instead, your choice.
• BYOB: bring what you want to drink, I have ice, mixers and one bottle of red.
• Bring a bottle if you like, but there is plenty here, so do not stop at a store.
• The turkey is on me this year since you did it last year. Bring a side and we are even.

Plus-ones, roommates and a guest cap you can defend

Friendsgiving lists double quietly. Six yes replies become eleven once partners and roommates assume they are included, and eleven people in a room set for eight is the reason somebody eats standing in a hallway. Set the number from chairs, then put the number in the invite.

Be specific about who is covered. The invite is for you and Priya leaves no gap. If you are relaxed about it, say that instead, and ask the extras to claim something so the food keeps up with the count. On a Bringalong invite the plus-one goes in the RSVP, so your count is right without you doing arithmetic in a chat.

• Ten seats, and this one is for you and Priya.
• Bring whoever you want. Tell me a name by Wednesday so there is a plate.
• Roommates welcome if they claim a dish, we are at eight of twelve.
• We are full for dinner. Come at eight for drinks and whatever is left of the pie.
• First twelve yes replies get a chair, after that it is standing room and I am not joking.

Timing lines, and the flake problem

The Saturday before Thanksgiving is the usual date, so say the date and the weekday together, because the 21st means nothing to anybody. Put the eating time separately from the door time: drinks at three, dinner at five tells guests the one hour they should not miss. If some of your friends have a second dinner, add a line about dessert later and you keep them.

Friendsgiving has a higher flake rate than a family dinner, so build in a confirmation. Two days out, send a short message with the count in it: twelve of us, dinner at five, shout now if you are out. People who are wavering will tell you when the number is visible, and you can cook for eleven instead of fourteen.

• Saturday the 21st. Drinks at three, dinner at five, out by midnight.
• Eating at your family's on Thursday? Come for dessert from eight instead.
• Doors at two if you want to help cook and drink while you do it.
• Two days out: twelve of us, dinner at five, say now if you are out.
• Morning of: buzzer 4C, the lift is broken, there is a bag for shoes by the door.